the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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