i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i believe in u and ur pee
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
