i wish starbucks made bloody marys
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
