the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize