My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
