I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
