wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
