Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
