I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
