I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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