i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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