the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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