Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
