when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
