Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
