I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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