i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
