It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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