I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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