Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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