I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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