Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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