If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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