She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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