Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
