I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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