I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
