There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
