Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
