We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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