I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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