We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
