All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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