Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why is there bacon in the couch?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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