trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
