It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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