I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
