Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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