i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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