do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my liver is dry heaving
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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