the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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