Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
