did you get engaged???
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
