Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
