he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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