I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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