I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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