hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize