we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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