OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
did i walk over a car last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
