It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
