So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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