I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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