Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
