normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
