Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
