I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
