My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
