the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
