i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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