It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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