What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
