At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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