how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
