I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
