went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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