you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
