i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
