Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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