doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
