brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
