on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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