You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
